Tag Archives: medium

and they wondered if she was special too

Ever since conception I seen this silver light around my daughter. If you have followed my blog you already know this is partially how I discovered I was pregnant. There were times in my pregnancy that let my fear take ahold of me and I would place my hand on my stomach and see her light and know she was alright. It gave me faith when I needed it most. After she was born I continued to see this light. Its always around her.

In the beginning I thought this was a light of creation. A light that maybe babies have and their connection with mother. But after seeing this light around her constantly I realized a couple months ago it was her.
My mom wonders allot if my daughter is gifted. She has wondered this since finding out I was pregnant. Inside I have known for a while that she is. I don’t know how she is gifted but in my heart I know it for a fact. I hope that I will be able to help her when she discovers she is different. Perhaps my gifts are meant to help her.

When I was little I knew I was different for as long as I can remember.  It was a very matter of fact.  I remember as early as six talking to my mom about how I had to help people so I could be an angel.  I was obsessed with being an angel.  My mom thought it was abnormal but just blew it off as back in the 80’s talk like this was no common.  She realized as I got older that something was incredibly different and then mapped it all the way back to even her pregnancy with me being different.

When I was young I relied on mom 110%.  I felt she was the ONLY one that could ever understand me and believe me.  She was the only person I decided to open up to until I was 29.  She became more then a mother or a best friend she become part of me.  And I feel I am tied to her at a spiritual level.

I don’t know the path for my daughter but I do know that I will also be there to help her.  I have no idea why my family is the way we are but these different gifts have been passed down through generation.  To our knowledge mine is currently the most in depth one.  But I feel maybe my daughters will be stronger yet.

Silver aura’s are exceptionally gifted.  Only time will tell I suppose but my little silver flower continues to blossom with everyday.images


Animal instincts


Having the gift of clairvoyance, energy is apart of my everyday. Whether I am inside, at the forest preserve, in a store, energy is always everywhere and ALWAYS very apparent to me. By reading my blog, I am sure you may have heard I am expecting my first child. Because of my mother instincts to protect, nourish and care for my baby the way I have been responding to energy has been much different from the past. In a way, I feel I have been trying to shun what I see, feel and experience because I want my child to have a normal childhood. None the less, it never works very well. And its most likely for the best because we should not try to change who we are. Which leads into my post, animal instincts.

Everyday I try to walk. Most days, I do five miles plus. And for me walking is not just a physical exercise its about meditation, prayer, openness and connecting. Exercise is just a plus that comes along with the act itself. When I walk I am in nature. By the woods, next to the water and seeing the prairies. It’s amazing in everyway. Animals are apart of every walk I go on. Whether its a fox, cat, raccoon, hawk, the list goes on. When I first start walking I am focused on my baby to be honest. I want to ensure I don’t feel any discomfort to I am very focused on my physical self versus my mental self. Within about 10 minutes, my focus has changed and I am either meditating, praying or just trying to connect to the environment around me.

Something I always have noticed is I see allot of the same animals along my path in the same places. Certain bunnies enjoy specific places and so on. So as I started to take notice of this, I also noticed something else. Those animals that I approach in the beginning when I start walking always are skid-dish and hide. So I decided to do an experiment. For those who work with energy you are already aware but for others who are learning, let me explain a little about energy and the human aura. The aura is the energy field around us. ALL living things have an energy field. People, animals, plants, ALL living things. There are no exceptions. When we connect with someone, an animal, god, prayer, you name it – our energy field changes. Just as in our own emotions. We can change our energy field and outside influences can have an effect on our energy.

Through my direct experience of working with energy (the light) through medication and prayer, I have seen its direct effect on myself and others and people/animals around those individuals. Once you start to fully understand this concept and become more aware of your energy and what your putting out, you will start to understand our connection as people with eachother and all living things more clearer.

Back to my experiment. As I began walking I remained in my normal mindset. Focused on my physical self mindset and the baby. Several bunnies sensed me coming and ran into the woods as I got continued closer on my walking path. As normal I began to drift into my meditation stage and then my prayer stage and back into my mediation stage. As I am walking I am conscious of my surroundings. But my mental self is at a different level. Not even a few minutes into this I start to notice the bunnies not moving. Just staying put and they seemed at ease. Not scared or skid-dish. As I made a circle in my walking, the same bunnies that ran from me when I first started walking didn’t run, they too – were calm and collect. I repeated this experiment over a 3 day period. Everyday the same results reflected.

What did this experiment reflect? That our energy changes so significantly through meditation and prayer that it significantly changes how other living things perceive us along with providing positive affects among ourselves. Imagine if we constantly worked on ourselves and our connection through prayer how all the people around us would be effected. I have done experiments where I have prayed and mediated for over 3 hour everyday for weeks and the people treated and reacted towards me was completely different. I literally had strangers walking up to me telling me their life stories and halfway through stopping and saying, “I have no idea why I am telling you this, I mean this isn’t really stuff you tell people you don’t know.” People seemed to be at a different level with me during my experiment. The aura’s colors change so beautifully through prayer its amazing to see the transformation occur.

The picture I included in this post are of some baby bunnies that my husband and I nursed back to health after discovering an abandoned nest in our yard and finding dead siblings due to the severe weather changes. Around week 18 or so of my pregnancy these little ones fell into our care and our hearts. The animal connection we have is truly amazing if we are connected and open to it.

Continuing forward

pic 3

It’s been over 6 months, and I still find myself feeling lost in terms missing my beloved Mallow & Ollie. Everyday I wake a little bigger. Every moment in my day is filled with a reminder that I am caring for two. I couldn’t be happier about having a baby! A part of me wonders though if that hole will ever be filled where Mallow & Ollie are. I wonder if a baby fills all those empty areas and you feel pain no longer. As a new mom, I have no insight to this. But I do know my mom always had a beloved cat while pregnant, raising us and to this day.

It’s hard to explain what makes some animals feel more meaningful then others. For me, it’s intense. Mallow would see what I see. I would watch him looking at spirit when I would look at spirit. I seen him react to voices & negative presences. I felt like I finally had a friend that understood me after 30 years. His persistence to love kept me from clamming up and closing myself out from the world when I wanted to shut others out because I felt they didn’t understand. His neediness kept me on my toes, waking early and chasing the sunrise. And I always had someone waiting for me to come home everytime I left. my struggles without him have been kept private for a while some days are harder then others.

I know my child is special and when I say special I am saying that I feel she will be in tune like her mommy. But I long to raise this little one how I was raised. With love from family, friends and pets. I can tell by what I see when I communicate with her that there is something amazing about her. And I know god gave her to me for a reason. Having a cat helped me cope with all of my differences when I was a little girl. That and nature. I spent a significant amount of time in nature.

I feel like I have everything anyone could ever ask for. A good job, the ability to see and feel, a great family, a nice roof over my head and the blessing of a baby. Yet I still find myself in moments of sadness about Mallow & Ollie. I miss so much having that love from them. And wonder in my heart if things could ever be different so I could have a companion again. It’s amazing how many lives a pet can touch. My mom has cried so many times watching me deal with the loss and go through the phases and my father just wants to fix it.

I wonder in my heart, how many people have had spiritual connections with pets or animals. Mallow always had a light around him. Purple was very distinct in his aura.

I hope in life, more people can learn to understand the spiritual connection of an animal and why God put them on this earth with us.

Hanna Rose


A baby girl, Over 21 weeks moves in my tummy. I feel her kicks, twirls and movements now. But with each kick and each day my growing anxiety about the changes going on and going to take place continue to grow. I always said that if I had a girl, she would be like me. Meaning she would see & feel as I do. So many prayers I was thankful for a baby but hoped she would be normal (meaning not like me). How I am is passed down the line daughter to daughter in my family. I have the gift stronger then anyone else so I assumed if I had a girl she would have it even stronger. Naturally I feared this.

As the days move forward I continue trying to move naturally with it. Into motherhood. But I have so many fears. With the past few days I have tried to boil down my fears:
1.) hanna will be gifted like me – struggle as I did with it, deal with seclusion from others because of her differences and regret being my child.
2.) my birthing wishes will not be respected – When I am in pain and going through a large transition I have always needed separation time from others to go through the process of change. I have fears of the hospital room being crowded or even the hospital with family & friends while I am going through this huge transition when all I want is to go through it my own way. This thought renders me to tears.
3.) The pain and process of my birthing will be judged – When I am in pain I tend to make noises. I can’t imagine the noises I will make when going through labors. The cries, yells from pain and the birth itself. Being split open and literally having your inside’s pushed out. All I will be focused on is giving up a part of myself and moving into the transition of bearing a child using the fire from within. I don’t want to think about how I will look and sound. I don’t want anyone in the room or even near it except for my husband and even him I worry having to witness this.

I don’t worry whether or not I can handle the pain, I feel i will be guided in how to handle that during birth. I don’t worry about being a good mother, I know like everything in life – I will not fail and will continue to do my best. I don’t worry about how this will change my life, I feel everything will come naturally. It’s these three main issues.

I wonder how many mothers are out there who are psychic, mediums, empaths or clairvoyants and how their journey and children were affected by it.
I have never been good at asking for help. And I fear any help I ask from others on these three things will only make matters more complicated thus even more difficult on me.

Giving birth is a very spiritual transition. As a woman, we go through this spiritual journey, rendering ourselves for the health of our off-spring. I don’t think any words can be used to describe this emotional, physical and psychological journey that we must endure to give birth to life. Every woman’s journey is so different from the next but I wonder how it is for someone who is like me. Being so open spiritually.

Reality as it is

If there is one thing that I have learned in my 30 years its that things are not always as they seem. This has applied to so much in my life. Everything from childhood to adulthood. As we follow our path of purpose we learn life in a very raw context. For me, I have always wanted to help people and the gift of seeing and feeling has allowed me to continue that path even if I don’t always understand what is being shown to me at that moment.

I remember when I was around 10. Going to a girlfriends house. I can still see what their home looked like. Where the rooms were, the way the kitchen looked but most of all the feeling in the home. There were 4 kids, one mother and no father present. The house was cute, a great size and painted with life from the outside. I remember going upstairs with my friend one time to talk to her mom, asking her permission to go play. I felt very strongly that the mother distraught. So while my friend finished up with chores I went back upstairs and went in her room to speak with her to try to make her feel better. She was a drug user and even at that age, I could tell she was not fully with it. I asked her why she was depressed and I sat down and spoke with her about her “adult problems.” As I came around more I seen what a bad atmosphere it was there. My friends sisters were scary abusive. They would beat her badly while the mom locked herself in her room. Yet, I found myself wanting to go back there to talk with the mother and help her. I felt I helped her on a very minimal level and to me it was not enough. Some things happened in that home that were hard for me to talk about for many years. Shortly after I had a moment of realization that I couldn’t help her. I endured a strong feeling of failure. And after I wondered for sometime why I was exposed to this.

Recently I have been having this occurrence lately in terms of spirit. Its happened a few times recently both in voice and appearance. A couple times I heard my husband or so I thought in the next room. He went from the bedroom then to a spare bedroom, move some things thus causing some noises then walked back into the bedroom. Thinking of course it was my husband I began talking to him. Not getting a response I found myself feeling curious. So I walked down the hall and in the master bedroom only to find the bathroom door closed. I asked him what he needed and he didn’t know what I was talking about. When I mentioned to him that I heard him he felt a little alarmed knowing of course that was impossible. He began checking to make sure no-one was in the house. This is the moment when I realized it was spirit I saw and not him. It happened again the other night but this time when he didn’t respond I knew better. As I walked down the hall I heard the restroom fan on and knew it was spirit again. This unfortunately is very familiar to me as it used to happen in my first marriage as well. There are a number of times where I seem to have issues distinguishing the living from spirit. Whether its at home or in public, I have found myself asking on several occasions “did you see that?”

I think some people may have a false perception of how life is for those who are open. Normal life, normal daily activities are not normal at all. Nothing really is. There is always something else going on and you are always aware of it. When I was little I came into this world on a mission to help others and was guided by spirit. Thirty years later, I am still struggling to understand as I see my gift change over the years and continue to develop. I don’t always have answers. But out of everything my biggest struggle has always remained consistent, its been with life in general. Normal day to day life…. Following my heart in spirit has taken me on a very tough path and has tested me on all levels to the point where I don’t see things the same as others anymore. Reality therefore continues to be what we make of it. We seem to define our own reality. As people as we continue to put our wants and needs ahead of what our purpose as people in life.

Grandpa’s presence

Over a year ago I was in another relationship with someone who had allot of spirit attached to them. There are a variety of reasons why some people have more spirit attached to them while other have a few. This particular individual had spirit attached to him because of his roots, because of unfinished business and because he had a calling that he had not risen to. Some people want to know everything around them but there comes a point of time where in a relationship with someone who sees, such as myself that this can lead to complications.

During the time I was with my ex I seen his grandpa, his grandpa’s brother, his grandma, and several natives behind him. The first one to step forward was his grandfather. A really nice man. He appeared to my left facing the direction of east. I didn’t know the significance at the time but the more visitors I had, the more I learned that when I am with someone their spirits always appear to me in the direction to the east when conveying as message. The Eagle is the direction of the east and the eagle is the animal I feel closest to. They always appear in my life.
Back to his grandfather…. He stood crouched down a bit and had dark skin. He had a close association to my ex but he felt comfortable to talk to woman so he came to me. After I communicated this to my ex, I learned that his grandfather had to walk with a cane which is why he was crouched and when I asked about his skin he said he was not light-colored like my ex. He had the darker tone skin. His grandfather continued coming to me. He was worried about his wife who was still alive and also was concerned over some family politics. We were together for maybe 6 months and during that whole time his grandfather continued coming forward. I would communicate these messages to my ex who would then call his grandma and communicate them to her. She missed him dearly. I really liked his grandfather. It’s not that he was a very personable man, he was just respectable. It’s kind of like a man of few words sort of thing. You always respect those folks because they choose their words so carefully. When I would talk to my ex, his grandfather would sometimes step forward if there was something to be added.

It’s always interesting how close our family is even after they pass. When given the opportunity I always remind people that their loved ones are still here, still a soul but just that they have moved on past life as we know it.

What do emotions look like?

“I had a rough morning” I suppose we all have our ways of wording events that created feelings thus as a result.
I am one of those people who doesn’t get really mad easily. In fact, I try not to let such emotions run my life because at the end of the day, they are just that…. emotions.
For the first time in a very long time I was extremely angry the other day. When I began elevating this anger and allowing it to take control the strangest thing happened. I seen this anger! The anger manifested itself in a silver light but not the normal lovely shinning silver light I am used to seeing. A harsh silver lighting that actually stressed my eyes when looking at it. It was ugly and consuming. All I could see was this light coming from everywhere. All directions. I took out my phone and I couldn’t even read the keyboard. This silver was so shinny it was reflective. Perhaps this energy was reflecting itself back to me so I could feel directly what I was putting out. I have never seen anything like it and to see that it come from me, from my own doing, was hard to digest.
What does emotions look like? If you talk to some clairvoyant’s they may describe a color chart. In which all the colors have the same meaning. I myself do not believe this applies to everyone. For me, there has never been a manual to follow.
I believe if you work with the light it will directly speak in a language that you understand. I have never found the light mis-leading infact, anytime I have asked for guidance I have always been answered with love and grace.
Some examples of colors with specific meanings for me are as follows~ Pink – I see pink when there is allot of love. I will see it coming from a person and also around their center. Avocado green – this is not a pleasant color to see. I see this color when someone is so bogged down with stress that the person is actually beginning to get separated from their true nature due to stress. I will see a large white ball of light above some people when they are praying and have connected through prayer to their past loved ones. The ball of light signifies their loved ones present through prayer. This is not one I see often.
There is so much energy that we put out into the world everyday. With this said, t’s important to try to release the most positive and enlightening energy.
As I always say, each day we wake with a blank canvas and we are the artist who choose what colors to paint the day with.