Tag Archives: meditate

Animal instincts


Having the gift of clairvoyance, energy is apart of my everyday. Whether I am inside, at the forest preserve, in a store, energy is always everywhere and ALWAYS very apparent to me. By reading my blog, I am sure you may have heard I am expecting my first child. Because of my mother instincts to protect, nourish and care for my baby the way I have been responding to energy has been much different from the past. In a way, I feel I have been trying to shun what I see, feel and experience because I want my child to have a normal childhood. None the less, it never works very well. And its most likely for the best because we should not try to change who we are. Which leads into my post, animal instincts.

Everyday I try to walk. Most days, I do five miles plus. And for me walking is not just a physical exercise its about meditation, prayer, openness and connecting. Exercise is just a plus that comes along with the act itself. When I walk I am in nature. By the woods, next to the water and seeing the prairies. It’s amazing in everyway. Animals are apart of every walk I go on. Whether its a fox, cat, raccoon, hawk, the list goes on. When I first start walking I am focused on my baby to be honest. I want to ensure I don’t feel any discomfort to I am very focused on my physical self versus my mental self. Within about 10 minutes, my focus has changed and I am either meditating, praying or just trying to connect to the environment around me.

Something I always have noticed is I see allot of the same animals along my path in the same places. Certain bunnies enjoy specific places and so on. So as I started to take notice of this, I also noticed something else. Those animals that I approach in the beginning when I start walking always are skid-dish and hide. So I decided to do an experiment. For those who work with energy you are already aware but for others who are learning, let me explain a little about energy and the human aura. The aura is the energy field around us. ALL living things have an energy field. People, animals, plants, ALL living things. There are no exceptions. When we connect with someone, an animal, god, prayer, you name it – our energy field changes. Just as in our own emotions. We can change our energy field and outside influences can have an effect on our energy.

Through my direct experience of working with energy (the light) through medication and prayer, I have seen its direct effect on myself and others and people/animals around those individuals. Once you start to fully understand this concept and become more aware of your energy and what your putting out, you will start to understand our connection as people with eachother and all living things more clearer.

Back to my experiment. As I began walking I remained in my normal mindset. Focused on my physical self mindset and the baby. Several bunnies sensed me coming and ran into the woods as I got continued closer on my walking path. As normal I began to drift into my meditation stage and then my prayer stage and back into my mediation stage. As I am walking I am conscious of my surroundings. But my mental self is at a different level. Not even a few minutes into this I start to notice the bunnies not moving. Just staying put and they seemed at ease. Not scared or skid-dish. As I made a circle in my walking, the same bunnies that ran from me when I first started walking didn’t run, they too – were calm and collect. I repeated this experiment over a 3 day period. Everyday the same results reflected.

What did this experiment reflect? That our energy changes so significantly through meditation and prayer that it significantly changes how other living things perceive us along with providing positive affects among ourselves. Imagine if we constantly worked on ourselves and our connection through prayer how all the people around us would be effected. I have done experiments where I have prayed and mediated for over 3 hour everyday for weeks and the people treated and reacted towards me was completely different. I literally had strangers walking up to me telling me their life stories and halfway through stopping and saying, “I have no idea why I am telling you this, I mean this isn’t really stuff you tell people you don’t know.” People seemed to be at a different level with me during my experiment. The aura’s colors change so beautifully through prayer its amazing to see the transformation occur.

The picture I included in this post are of some baby bunnies that my husband and I nursed back to health after discovering an abandoned nest in our yard and finding dead siblings due to the severe weather changes. Around week 18 or so of my pregnancy these little ones fell into our care and our hearts. The animal connection we have is truly amazing if we are connected and open to it.


Finding the light


On Friday I have my first ultrasound appointment. It’s going to be very intense. About 2-3 times a week I see a little silver-white light around and in my stomach which is my babys light. So to actually see on a monitor how he/she is sitting or the shape of them is really going to be remarkable. What they are looking to confirm is if I am actually further along then 10 weeks. My pouch as I call it looks a little more then 10 weeks but perhaps I am just not use to seeing a little mommy pouch.

Spiritually things have been more intense. I seem to be picking up on more, perhaps its because I am so open spiritually and emotionally due to the pregnancy. I keep wondering how this whole pregnancy will be for me, someone who see’s, feels and knows. Who see’s beyond and communicates beyond. How will I be as a mother. There are so many questions. If its one thing I am sure of, its that this little one will be completely loved. My husband wants kids more then anything in life and I myself have always wanted to be a mother.

While doing my lightwork I keep seeing myself very pregnant and the light is all around me and my tummy. The same light as if we are one. I would have thought its light would have been different then my own as every being has its own light. For example, my husband has a dominate royal blue color and when I see him, I normally see this light very distinctively. I feel I am learning so much more spiritually because of how I am and the fact that I have life growing inside.

I a way, I feel scarred. I know for a fact, being so open I tend to take on other issues. It’s very tough on me spiritually and physically. When I read someone sometimes I have issues letting go when I see they are hurting. But now, its not just me I have to take care of, its this little one too. I find myself doing lightwork more and more now. If not for my sake, then I do it for the baby.

This past year has been such a eye opener on all levels. When I drive home from the store I always look up. Where we live there are bald eagles. And I think about all the places I wanted to see and live and embrace yet when I look up and see those eagle glide through the air, I realize its never been about the place where the eagle makes his nest. It’s how he glides and moves through the air.

a small white light

It was a “normal” evening like any other. I found myself on the couch with the computer on the cushion facing me. What a long work day. I leaned back to stretch and as I positioned myself again I seen there tiny ball of light. It was white and had a glow around it. So small. It was something spirit related but as I began to look into it more it disappeared as it flew into my stomach. Now I have seen allot and I mean ALLOT of strange things but this really made me stop in my tracks. There was something about this little ball of light. It seemed familiar. And I felt I had a connection with it but I had no idea how or why. it was the most beautiful ball of light I had ever seen. The fact that it disappeared into my stomach was odd to me. This doesn’t happen with spirit (in my experience).
Eventually I let it go but as the weeks went by I found myself again thinking about this tiny ball of light.
Last week I went grocery shopping. Stocking up on fresh cooking supplies and some favorites. I came home famished and began helping myself to pickles, sour cream and cold cut ham. If you have been following my blog, then you may see this as odd as I have been a vegan for some time.
Earlier this week my great grandma (my grandma’s mom)graced me with her presence again. But it was strange. She was pacing almost around the house all day. She was trying to tell me that she was watching over me and was here for me. I began to feel crowded as I knew my grandma was not the only spirit in the house as well. I could feel loved ones connected to my fiance. I feel confused but then again, I knew something was going on.
Ever since that ball of light I wondered if there was a chance that the spirit – the small ball of light was connected to me. And by connected to me, I mean literally. I thought maybe, I was pregnant.
After seeing grandma pacing. I knew I needed to take a test.
I found myself under the bright bathroom lights, peeing on a stick.
I put the stick on the bathroom lid behind me and considered myself crazy. “I’m not going to look at it, I’m not pregnant” I kept telling myself. But as I turned I took a big gulp as I watched one line appear strong and as the water moved further, there it was a second line. “What!” I held it closer to my eyes double checking – one line means not pregnant, two lines means pregnant…. Now I knew my grandma was here with me. Grandma comes when she feels she needs to be there for me.
which brings me to today. Somewhere between 4-6 weeks along.
What did this ball of light mean? What was it exactly? Was this another form of spirit trying to communicate with me to tell me I was pregnant? Did I see this light when the egg was implanting in my uterus? This is kind of a big deal because I felt like I had a bond somehow with this light. Is it possible I communicated with my unborn child? I have tons of questions. Amoungst all the new feelings coming over me about being mom I wonder how our relationship will be different because of my gift. Will I be able to communicate with him differently? Will he be like me? Will he have a gift?
I would give nearly anything in this world for this child to be born healthy. I can’t even describe the feeling but in my heart I already feel connected to it and I want to protect it with everything I have. Scared, excited, anxious… I feel it all.
I had dreams weeks ago of a little boy. Everything was white. I walked into a room and seen this toddler. He layed on the floor on his stomach. With his elbows holding up his head as he kicked his backlegs back and fourth while watching tv. As I entered the room he felt my presence. Not with his ears. He turned around and had this huge smile on his face. His smile was cheek to cheek and as I looked at him him I realized, he had my smile. And I smiled back. He had big eyes and although I seen myself in him, I also could see traits of someone else. He was beautiful. I woke up panicked and pulled on my fiances arm to wake him and tell him what I saw. As much as this may seem like a happy dream, to wake up and no longer see that face that you felt so connected to – felt like a punishment. It’s not easy to describe. This is not the first time I had seen this little boy either. When I first started speaking to my fiance I had a dream of delivering a baby in the hospital.

what does this all mean? How close to our future is our present? Do we have the ability to connect even with unborn children? My life is forever changed and only the future will hold the answers to all these questions.

Spirit and my journey through family

Family relationships can be the strongest and they can also be the most complicated at times.

Through trust, love and compassion I have built a stronger relationship then ever with my mother.  It’s easy to read strangers, its easier for multiple reasons.  I have no established emotional connection, I have no prior knowledge of anything about them and they don’t know me.  I have shy’d away from reading any of my family.  I will indirectly but directly has been another story.

When I use the word “reading” it’s because I’m unsure what to call it.  It’s indirectly or directly tuning into someone and thus obtaining knowledge about them.  Sometimes I am shown pictures almost like a movie, hear words or see spirit there with them.  I’m not typically the type that will respond when someone says “read me.”  For one thing, I feel that if a message comes to me I have the responsibility to pass it on.  It’s a higher message not really something of a contest if you follow.  I don’t read to prove a point or to tell someone something random.  I will read them because I feel I have no choice as I am guided by spirit.

My mother however is a completely different story because she is my mother.  Whenever I see spirit by her I have been trying to block the communication.  Mostly because its complicated as there’s emotion, love and its family.  My mother accepts my gift but you need to understand how different it can be when someone you gave birth to and have known 29 years is telling you your deepest feelings, thoughts and experiences from childhood that they shouldn’t know otherwise.  I didn’t want to make our relationship awkward as I would be comfortably talking about things that would normally seem strange for my role within this lifetime.  A good example, I may speak about her and my father and some close details about them, this would be coming from their daughter.

The other day my mother came by to visit and insisted on hearing about herself.  For over an hour we spoke in detail.  With her, its really a work in progress.  My mother lives for her family.  She is a giver and gives everything for her family with nothing left for herself.  I recognize this but I am really the only one to see this fully.  When I was little, I called her an angel because she is so pure.  Inside she is very contradicted about some things.  There is allot going on inside her in terms or feelings and emotions.  We reviewed the majority of these things I saw in detail.  See, my mother goes to psychic.  And the psychic is great, always right on but she never tells my mother about herself because she see’s that my mother lives for her family so she is constantly telling her about the family.  I don’t work like that at all.  I am very personal.  As my mom puts it “you talk about the deepest and most hidden things.  The things people don’t want to talk about because its so sensitive, but you do it in a way that people feel good about talking about it.”

My mom is learning allot about spirit through me and thus gaining a deeper understanding life.  When we learn something or know something, from a knowledge standpoint – we need to share it, collaborate.

Last week I learned that my grandma has also seen spirits on a couple occasions.  Which means my grandmother, mother and me all seem to have some form of the gift.  We don’t know too much about the genes from the side of the family.  Well my grandmothers.  When you open up and let others in you realize that you have more in common then you ever thought.  It’s up to us to take that first step.