If there is one thing that I have learned in my 30 years its that things are not always as they seem. This has applied to so much in my life. Everything from childhood to adulthood. As we follow our path of purpose we learn life in a very raw context. For me, I have always wanted to help people and the gift of seeing and feeling has allowed me to continue that path even if I don’t always understand what is being shown to me at that moment.
I remember when I was around 10. Going to a girlfriends house. I can still see what their home looked like. Where the rooms were, the way the kitchen looked but most of all the feeling in the home. There were 4 kids, one mother and no father present. The house was cute, a great size and painted with life from the outside. I remember going upstairs with my friend one time to talk to her mom, asking her permission to go play. I felt very strongly that the mother distraught. So while my friend finished up with chores I went back upstairs and went in her room to speak with her to try to make her feel better. She was a drug user and even at that age, I could tell she was not fully with it. I asked her why she was depressed and I sat down and spoke with her about her “adult problems.” As I came around more I seen what a bad atmosphere it was there. My friends sisters were scary abusive. They would beat her badly while the mom locked herself in her room. Yet, I found myself wanting to go back there to talk with the mother and help her. I felt I helped her on a very minimal level and to me it was not enough. Some things happened in that home that were hard for me to talk about for many years. Shortly after I had a moment of realization that I couldn’t help her. I endured a strong feeling of failure. And after I wondered for sometime why I was exposed to this.
Recently I have been having this occurrence lately in terms of spirit. Its happened a few times recently both in voice and appearance. A couple times I heard my husband or so I thought in the next room. He went from the bedroom then to a spare bedroom, move some things thus causing some noises then walked back into the bedroom. Thinking of course it was my husband I began talking to him. Not getting a response I found myself feeling curious. So I walked down the hall and in the master bedroom only to find the bathroom door closed. I asked him what he needed and he didn’t know what I was talking about. When I mentioned to him that I heard him he felt a little alarmed knowing of course that was impossible. He began checking to make sure no-one was in the house. This is the moment when I realized it was spirit I saw and not him. It happened again the other night but this time when he didn’t respond I knew better. As I walked down the hall I heard the restroom fan on and knew it was spirit again. This unfortunately is very familiar to me as it used to happen in my first marriage as well. There are a number of times where I seem to have issues distinguishing the living from spirit. Whether its at home or in public, I have found myself asking on several occasions “did you see that?”
I think some people may have a false perception of how life is for those who are open. Normal life, normal daily activities are not normal at all. Nothing really is. There is always something else going on and you are always aware of it. When I was little I came into this world on a mission to help others and was guided by spirit. Thirty years later, I am still struggling to understand as I see my gift change over the years and continue to develop. I don’t always have answers. But out of everything my biggest struggle has always remained consistent, its been with life in general. Normal day to day life…. Following my heart in spirit has taken me on a very tough path and has tested me on all levels to the point where I don’t see things the same as others anymore. Reality therefore continues to be what we make of it. We seem to define our own reality. As people as we continue to put our wants and needs ahead of what our purpose as people in life.