It was a “normal” evening like any other. I found myself on the couch with the computer on the cushion facing me. What a long work day. I leaned back to stretch and as I positioned myself again I seen there tiny ball of light. It was white and had a glow around it. So small. It was something spirit related but as I began to look into it more it disappeared as it flew into my stomach. Now I have seen allot and I mean ALLOT of strange things but this really made me stop in my tracks. There was something about this little ball of light. It seemed familiar. And I felt I had a connection with it but I had no idea how or why. it was the most beautiful ball of light I had ever seen. The fact that it disappeared into my stomach was odd to me. This doesn’t happen with spirit (in my experience).
Eventually I let it go but as the weeks went by I found myself again thinking about this tiny ball of light.
Last week I went grocery shopping. Stocking up on fresh cooking supplies and some favorites. I came home famished and began helping myself to pickles, sour cream and cold cut ham. If you have been following my blog, then you may see this as odd as I have been a vegan for some time.
Earlier this week my great grandma (my grandma’s mom)graced me with her presence again. But it was strange. She was pacing almost around the house all day. She was trying to tell me that she was watching over me and was here for me. I began to feel crowded as I knew my grandma was not the only spirit in the house as well. I could feel loved ones connected to my fiance. I feel confused but then again, I knew something was going on.
Ever since that ball of light I wondered if there was a chance that the spirit – the small ball of light was connected to me. And by connected to me, I mean literally. I thought maybe, I was pregnant.
After seeing grandma pacing. I knew I needed to take a test.
I found myself under the bright bathroom lights, peeing on a stick.
I put the stick on the bathroom lid behind me and considered myself crazy. “I’m not going to look at it, I’m not pregnant” I kept telling myself. But as I turned I took a big gulp as I watched one line appear strong and as the water moved further, there it was a second line. “What!” I held it closer to my eyes double checking – one line means not pregnant, two lines means pregnant…. Now I knew my grandma was here with me. Grandma comes when she feels she needs to be there for me.
which brings me to today. Somewhere between 4-6 weeks along.
What did this ball of light mean? What was it exactly? Was this another form of spirit trying to communicate with me to tell me I was pregnant? Did I see this light when the egg was implanting in my uterus? This is kind of a big deal because I felt like I had a bond somehow with this light. Is it possible I communicated with my unborn child? I have tons of questions. Amoungst all the new feelings coming over me about being mom I wonder how our relationship will be different because of my gift. Will I be able to communicate with him differently? Will he be like me? Will he have a gift?
I would give nearly anything in this world for this child to be born healthy. I can’t even describe the feeling but in my heart I already feel connected to it and I want to protect it with everything I have. Scared, excited, anxious… I feel it all.
I had dreams weeks ago of a little boy. Everything was white. I walked into a room and seen this toddler. He layed on the floor on his stomach. With his elbows holding up his head as he kicked his backlegs back and fourth while watching tv. As I entered the room he felt my presence. Not with his ears. He turned around and had this huge smile on his face. His smile was cheek to cheek and as I looked at him him I realized, he had my smile. And I smiled back. He had big eyes and although I seen myself in him, I also could see traits of someone else. He was beautiful. I woke up panicked and pulled on my fiances arm to wake him and tell him what I saw. As much as this may seem like a happy dream, to wake up and no longer see that face that you felt so connected to – felt like a punishment. It’s not easy to describe. This is not the first time I had seen this little boy either. When I first started speaking to my fiance I had a dream of delivering a baby in the hospital.
what does this all mean? How close to our future is our present? Do we have the ability to connect even with unborn children? My life is forever changed and only the future will hold the answers to all these questions.