Continuing forward

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It’s been over 6 months, and I still find myself feeling lost in terms missing my beloved Mallow & Ollie. Everyday I wake a little bigger. Every moment in my day is filled with a reminder that I am caring for two. I couldn’t be happier about having a baby! A part of me wonders though if that hole will ever be filled where Mallow & Ollie are. I wonder if a baby fills all those empty areas and you feel pain no longer. As a new mom, I have no insight to this. But I do know my mom always had a beloved cat while pregnant, raising us and to this day.

It’s hard to explain what makes some animals feel more meaningful then others. For me, it’s intense. Mallow would see what I see. I would watch him looking at spirit when I would look at spirit. I seen him react to voices & negative presences. I felt like I finally had a friend that understood me after 30 years. His persistence to love kept me from clamming up and closing myself out from the world when I wanted to shut others out because I felt they didn’t understand. His neediness kept me on my toes, waking early and chasing the sunrise. And I always had someone waiting for me to come home everytime I left. my struggles without him have been kept private for a while some days are harder then others.

I know my child is special and when I say special I am saying that I feel she will be in tune like her mommy. But I long to raise this little one how I was raised. With love from family, friends and pets. I can tell by what I see when I communicate with her that there is something amazing about her. And I know god gave her to me for a reason. Having a cat helped me cope with all of my differences when I was a little girl. That and nature. I spent a significant amount of time in nature.

I feel like I have everything anyone could ever ask for. A good job, the ability to see and feel, a great family, a nice roof over my head and the blessing of a baby. Yet I still find myself in moments of sadness about Mallow & Ollie. I miss so much having that love from them. And wonder in my heart if things could ever be different so I could have a companion again. It’s amazing how many lives a pet can touch. My mom has cried so many times watching me deal with the loss and go through the phases and my father just wants to fix it.

I wonder in my heart, how many people have had spiritual connections with pets or animals. Mallow always had a light around him. Purple was very distinct in his aura.

I hope in life, more people can learn to understand the spiritual connection of an animal and why God put them on this earth with us.

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