There are no “normal” days for me. Infact I ponder these days what is actually considered “normal.” Is normal not feeling? Not seeing? As a child I always associated normal with a ability to blend in with others. To do as they do. See as they see. And so the dance continues. Growing older and having lived years with my differences, I have associated normal with Not feeling and not seeing “abnormalities.”
I recall starring apon my wooden cross as a kid praying to God begging him to make me normal. To make the things I see and feel stop. Tears flushing from my eyes. Growing older it resulted in lying to myself, telling myself I see and feel nothing. But the lies can’t last forever.
Being pregnant, and moving into motherhood there are no more lies. Everything is as raw as it gets. The comments people say, the size of your growing tummy, the ice cold beds you strap your feet into to get examined, but most of all – what you feel at the end of each day.
I know the relationship I have with my unborn child is not “normal.” When I want to see how many baby is doing I will put my hand on my stomach and then I see this silver ball/star. I know at that moment, its doing fine and I have no need to worry. When daddy is trying to communicate with it, I will see a light (a purple light) and I can then move his hand to where the baby is. When the doctor is looking up there… I can see the light again while she is looking to examine the uterus. When I am in a bad position I will see a dark gray ball/star and need to move so the baby is more comfortable. I can feel from my husbands touch how much love he has for me and the baby through his finger tips. Everyday I see my baby in light form and being the way I am, I am able to monitor its health and well being.
I went to church on Sunday with my husband. While listening to one of the pastors preach I always see spirit by him, walking, standing, in motion – etc. This is normal, however on Sunday I seen something I had never seen before. While he was preaching I was looking at layers of this aura, I seen his Causal body or Ketheric template but then I noticed something different behind him. Behind him stood a outline of a male, head and shoulders, atleast 1.5 feet taller then him and he is tall. Perfectly shaped. Like someone drew it. It was not the pastors aura it was actually something different. This was neither male nor female. It’s outline was an outline of a male but it actually looked to me as if it was conveying itself to be stronger then man. I saw this as some sort of guardian. It seemed this pastor was following his blue print of his calling but to such a high level and high connection that his guardian actually stood behind him. It was remarkable. I hadn’t seen this before in anyone.
As I sat there on Sunday seeing this I looked around, watching everyone listen to his words so graciously. I leaned back in my chair and looked down at my tummy. When my baby can hear (at 16 weeks) what will it feel to these these words. Will its communication with me change? I can’t help but wonder where the other moms like me are.