A student

I’ve humbly started this journey again of trying to continue down my spiritual path.  My soul keeps urging me to continue.  In doing so, I’ve come to terms with my experiences in my life and trying to understand where I’m at today.

It seems the majority of life I’ve been dabbling between the astral plane and the earthy plane.  For some reason I tend to dip into the astral plane which is where my medium experiences are coming from.  But this is not a place where I want to spend my time, I want to evolve to the next phase of life.  The astral plane is kind of like drinking the cool-aide.  You have to be careful you don’t get sucked in.  It’s funny, I always thought these experiences made me different/not fit in.  But that’s not the case, we will all tap into this plane at some point during our journey.  I don’t want these experiences to define me.

I’ve had a couple visitations with my spirit guides as an adult and angels when I was little.  It’s taken me many years to understand these experiences.  I’m at the point where I feel I’m ready for a teacher.  I’m continuing to work with the light through mediation and prayer but I know I could benefit from having a teacher.  Until that point I’m going to continue teaching myself.


The start of my second journey

I have been going through this amazing journey within the past few months.  It’s been the second spiritual journey of a lifetime.

Things have never made so much sense.  When we take off our lenses we realize how this world is nothing what it seems.  We are so caught up in the frame of the paintings but don’t take time to understand the paintings.  We are confused, as people.  We are lost.  We lost ourselves a long time ago.  We have no feeling, accountability, we have lost so much compassion and love.  We are brainwashed to think we need all this stuff, we need a title, we need to be successful.  In the end, we have all these problems, broken relationships, worry, stress, bills and we look to see whats wrong with us.  We forget that we are these beautiful spiritual beings.  Created by a God greater then any of our minds can comprehend.  We forget how we are all brothers and sisters with the same father.  How we share this journey together.  How each one of us have special gifts and how much we have grown away from our spiritual self.  These world is like an interactive realm where we are tested, we are blessed to be apart of this life.  But what do we do with it?  What good, what greatness can we do to help others.  How many times has our anger drew lines between us, who have we become.  We have forgotten who we are and why we are here.


And then she seen another star

It’s hard to believe I haven’t written a blog in a year.  So much has changed and yet spirit hasn’t.

After the fourth of July I started seeing a star again.  This happened when I was pregnant with my first child.  I could see her light outside of the womb.  I was convinced I was pregnant.  I think I took 5 pregnancy tests, all negative.  I finally decided to just relax. But my intuition was telling me there was a reason for this little glowing light.  The next day two tests confirmed I was indeed expecting.  I’m 35 weeks now and counting with another girl.

Why I see their light is something I still have no answers for.  When I’m pregnant I see it all the time and after I deliver the light is gone.

The last two days I have been feeling spirit so intensely.  I feel too distracted by motherhood recently to answer the calls and to understand why the increase in movement.  All I got was “family gathering.”

In the year since I wrote, motherhood has transformed me.  I’m not ashamed of who I am, the path I’ve chosen and how I am.  I have 2 babies now who need a strong mother to show them direction in life.  Everyday I hear my baby call for me but I also hear spirit.  I know there are things I can help my daughter with and offer her that perhaps others can’t and for that alone, I’m grateful as I embrace the light.

I know even for my family it may be hard at times to understand what I see & feel but we are not put on this earth to have all the answers.  We are set out to discover life and embrace every part of the journey, even the unknown.

 

 

 


and they wondered if she was special too

Ever since conception I seen this silver light around my daughter. If you have followed my blog you already know this is partially how I discovered I was pregnant. There were times in my pregnancy that let my fear take ahold of me and I would place my hand on my stomach and see her light and know she was alright. It gave me faith when I needed it most. After she was born I continued to see this light. Its always around her.

In the beginning I thought this was a light of creation. A light that maybe babies have and their connection with mother. But after seeing this light around her constantly I realized a couple months ago it was her.
My mom wonders allot if my daughter is gifted. She has wondered this since finding out I was pregnant. Inside I have known for a while that she is. I don’t know how she is gifted but in my heart I know it for a fact. I hope that I will be able to help her when she discovers she is different. Perhaps my gifts are meant to help her.

When I was little I knew I was different for as long as I can remember.  It was a very matter of fact.  I remember as early as six talking to my mom about how I had to help people so I could be an angel.  I was obsessed with being an angel.  My mom thought it was abnormal but just blew it off as back in the 80’s talk like this was no common.  She realized as I got older that something was incredibly different and then mapped it all the way back to even her pregnancy with me being different.

When I was young I relied on mom 110%.  I felt she was the ONLY one that could ever understand me and believe me.  She was the only person I decided to open up to until I was 29.  She became more then a mother or a best friend she become part of me.  And I feel I am tied to her at a spiritual level.

I don’t know the path for my daughter but I do know that I will also be there to help her.  I have no idea why my family is the way we are but these different gifts have been passed down through generation.  To our knowledge mine is currently the most in depth one.  But I feel maybe my daughters will be stronger yet.

Silver aura’s are exceptionally gifted.  Only time will tell I suppose but my little silver flower continues to blossom with everyday.images


Fear of myself

I had a dream the other night that I was seeing this man.  He wasn’t a good spirit by any means.  I was scared of this being.

It took me almost a full day to understand this dream.

I’m 31 years old and my mother is still telling me to be myself.  She says “I would give allot to see even a glimpse of what you see, yet you still just want to fit in.  You will never fit in and the sooner you except yourself, the easier it will be on your daughter if you find out she’s special too.  Don’t you think God made you this way for a reason”  Needless to say, her visit made me reflect allot.

I hide behind an anonymous blog.  No name, no photo.  Nothing traceable.  Because of fear.  Fear is my worst enemy at all levels.  I fear that someone will find out my secrets, I fear that someone will think I’m nuts, I fear the things I see at times because I don’t understand them.  I don’t understand why I see the things I see.  I’m so focused on the “why am I seeing these things” that I miss the message.

I have all these church friends now who are just wonderful and every Sunday I obsess about trying to look perfect and fit in but I don’t need to “fit in.”  I am me and I’m different and no matter if my hair is perfect or not, I’m still going to be me.  Once I accept that I will feel better about the way I am and my relationships with others.  I still struggle to find one religion that sums up what I believe in and explains what I see everyday of my life.  My belief in god is extremely strong but its hard to pin myself to one religion.

I still have these urges all the time!  To travel.  To go to the southwest and live among the canyons.  To step out of my high-level job and follow my heart.  To align my life work to helping others.  How fulfilling this would be!  I wonder how great it would be to get to know others like myself.  I feel a little part of me dying as I try to mold myself into others who don’t see spirit, who don’t see aura’s and who don’t feel others emotions.  Just talking about it and not pretending its not there makes it better but to suppress it everyday is depressing.  I wonder how others deal in their lives.  Wives, mothers, friends, sisters.


And he shed his light

And when the living creatures went, the wheels went beside them; and when the living creatures rose from the earth, the wheels rose. Wherever the spirit wanted to go, they went, and the wheels rose along with them, for the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels. When those went, these went; and when those stood, these stood; and when those rose from the earth, the wheels rose along with them, for the spirit of the living creatures was in the wheels. Over the heads of the living creatures there was the likeness of an expanse, shining like awe-inspiring crystal, spread out above their heads. Ezekiel 1:19-22 ESV

To me, the light is the most beautiful part of seeing. It’s also one of the most confusing gifts to me because unlike spirit I do not have someone directly feeding me a message. I am still learning in great depth how to understand what I see better. When all is silent, I can communicate and understand what the light is showing but when I am trying to block it out or very busy it comes across as confusing and it can take me a while to decipher what I am seeing.

I went to a church service and there was a man who ran a church in Mexico visiting. When he was speaking to the people about his works I seen an Indigo light all around him. He was covered by this light and I seen no other color besides it as it was so dominant. It wasn’t until today that I started reading on the Indigo light. I have seen Indigo before, but not in any form like this and normally I will see it blended with other colors. This man was living within the light if that makes any sense. He was working within Gods light and following his own. He runs an orphanage for about 40 children out of Mexico providing them with 3 meals a day and a warm place to sleep. He also runs a church there as well.

What exactly does the Indigo light mean? What can it tell us about a person. This is the fascinating part. Let me break down a Indigo person~

AREA DESCRIPTION
Physical Deep body feelings, sensitive physical body, meditative, androgynous
Emotional Deep inner feelings, sensitivity, integrity, meditative awareness, introverted, androgynous, authenticity
Mental Aware, bright, artistic, clarity, creative and independent, intuition, inner knowing, higher mind, dedication.
Spiritual Higher knowledge, truth, spiritual, universal love, awareness and consciousness, experience inner planes of existence
Motivation Follow their higher truth and love and their inner guidance
Mission / Vision Spiritual growth, love and service, express their inner knowing
Growth Inner awareness, intuitive changes, guided by their heart-intuition
Exercise Walking, dancing, swimming, meditative, spiritual exercises
Recharge Battery Meditation, music, create own space, connect with God-Inner Self
Communication Soft, female voice with feeling, intuitive and inner communication
Interaction Considerate, careful, sensitive and divine action
Relationships Caring, depth, heartfelt, soul-to-soul, spiritual connections
Social, Friends Follow inner rules, not societies, few close friends
Money Clear concept, but unimportant, follow higher values and truth
Success Connection to God and Higher Self, live , and spirituality on earth
Occupation Helping others, live in harmony with their higher beliefs and truth
Career Spiritual healer, teacher, musician, artist, social worker, writer

Indigo people are pretty much walking God’s path that he set for them. It was truly amazing to be able to see someone beaming this light so vibrantly and so involved in helping children and teaching them. These are the types of people we should be learning from.

“Those who have insight will shine brightly like the brightness of the expanse of heaven, and those who lead the many to righteousness, like the stars forever and ever. Daniel 12:3


Animal instincts

bunny

Having the gift of clairvoyance, energy is apart of my everyday. Whether I am inside, at the forest preserve, in a store, energy is always everywhere and ALWAYS very apparent to me. By reading my blog, I am sure you may have heard I am expecting my first child. Because of my mother instincts to protect, nourish and care for my baby the way I have been responding to energy has been much different from the past. In a way, I feel I have been trying to shun what I see, feel and experience because I want my child to have a normal childhood. None the less, it never works very well. And its most likely for the best because we should not try to change who we are. Which leads into my post, animal instincts.

Everyday I try to walk. Most days, I do five miles plus. And for me walking is not just a physical exercise its about meditation, prayer, openness and connecting. Exercise is just a plus that comes along with the act itself. When I walk I am in nature. By the woods, next to the water and seeing the prairies. It’s amazing in everyway. Animals are apart of every walk I go on. Whether its a fox, cat, raccoon, hawk, the list goes on. When I first start walking I am focused on my baby to be honest. I want to ensure I don’t feel any discomfort to I am very focused on my physical self versus my mental self. Within about 10 minutes, my focus has changed and I am either meditating, praying or just trying to connect to the environment around me.

Something I always have noticed is I see allot of the same animals along my path in the same places. Certain bunnies enjoy specific places and so on. So as I started to take notice of this, I also noticed something else. Those animals that I approach in the beginning when I start walking always are skid-dish and hide. So I decided to do an experiment. For those who work with energy you are already aware but for others who are learning, let me explain a little about energy and the human aura. The aura is the energy field around us. ALL living things have an energy field. People, animals, plants, ALL living things. There are no exceptions. When we connect with someone, an animal, god, prayer, you name it – our energy field changes. Just as in our own emotions. We can change our energy field and outside influences can have an effect on our energy.

Through my direct experience of working with energy (the light) through medication and prayer, I have seen its direct effect on myself and others and people/animals around those individuals. Once you start to fully understand this concept and become more aware of your energy and what your putting out, you will start to understand our connection as people with eachother and all living things more clearer.

Back to my experiment. As I began walking I remained in my normal mindset. Focused on my physical self mindset and the baby. Several bunnies sensed me coming and ran into the woods as I got continued closer on my walking path. As normal I began to drift into my meditation stage and then my prayer stage and back into my mediation stage. As I am walking I am conscious of my surroundings. But my mental self is at a different level. Not even a few minutes into this I start to notice the bunnies not moving. Just staying put and they seemed at ease. Not scared or skid-dish. As I made a circle in my walking, the same bunnies that ran from me when I first started walking didn’t run, they too – were calm and collect. I repeated this experiment over a 3 day period. Everyday the same results reflected.

What did this experiment reflect? That our energy changes so significantly through meditation and prayer that it significantly changes how other living things perceive us along with providing positive affects among ourselves. Imagine if we constantly worked on ourselves and our connection through prayer how all the people around us would be effected. I have done experiments where I have prayed and mediated for over 3 hour everyday for weeks and the people treated and reacted towards me was completely different. I literally had strangers walking up to me telling me their life stories and halfway through stopping and saying, “I have no idea why I am telling you this, I mean this isn’t really stuff you tell people you don’t know.” People seemed to be at a different level with me during my experiment. The aura’s colors change so beautifully through prayer its amazing to see the transformation occur.

The picture I included in this post are of some baby bunnies that my husband and I nursed back to health after discovering an abandoned nest in our yard and finding dead siblings due to the severe weather changes. Around week 18 or so of my pregnancy these little ones fell into our care and our hearts. The animal connection we have is truly amazing if we are connected and open to it.